Yesterday, I found myself surprised by how fast time can fly, even when you’re unemployed and, on paper, have nowhere pressing to be. It’s been ages since I last felt genuinely bored. And yet, there’s this voice inside me being a bit hard on myself, wondering if I should have accomplished more by now.
But then it hit me: I don’t even have a list of what those things are!
If I don’t write things down, they don’t really exist for me. When someone asks, “What’s the next place on your travel list?” I freeze. My mental filing cabinet feels jammed, and the answer just won’t come. Funny enough, as I type this, I realize I’ve already written a blog post about having a bucket list. Clearly, it’s been tucked away in the “out of sight, out of mind” drawer.
Today, I’m committing to some mental decluttering. Time to pull out those dusty files, rewrite the lists, and remember what matters to me.
Five years ago, I celebrated my golden birthday, 30 on the 30th. It was March of 2020. We all know how that went. Oddly, I felt relieved not to have to plan a big celebration.
I had hoped to take a trip to Arizona with friends, but I couldn’t fathom aligning schedules or even figuring out who to include. In the end, I found myself worrying more about other people’s feelings than my own, a common theme for me.
So when the world shut down, I used it as a perfect excuse to avoid worrying about my birthday altogether.
In hindsight, it ended up being a day filled with so much love. Friends sent sweet words, and food was delivered to my door. I felt more loved than I expected, and it reminded me of how many people care about me. I didn’t even have to ask.
Since then, I’ve tried to make birthdays more about me. I’ve learned to focus less on others’ expectations and more on what I really want.
At 32, I traveled to Germany to visit family, and it turned out to be one of my favorite birthdays. My cousin showed me around Berlin, my personal tour guide! We visited her mom who made me a traditional German breakfast and dinner, and then my uncle made homemade pizza. Simple but so special.
At 33, I wanted to go to Paris. Originally, I planned to go solo, but my mom, who’d always wanted to visit, joined me. Looking back, I think she didn’t want me going alone.
Last year, at 34, I struggled. I was caught up in this desire for the “perfect” birthday but didn’t even know what that meant. My friends and I went to New Orleans to celebrate two of our birthdays, so I already felt like I’d celebrated.
Afterwards, I still planned a small night out, though I wasn’t really sure that’s what I wanted.
What I’ve learned is this.
My favorite birthdays have been the ones where I do what I want, without worrying about everyone else’s experience. Or where I am surprised by the kindness and love of the people around me, without feeling like a burden.
All that being said ..
I don’t want to put too much pressure on what turning 35 means.
I do want to be more intentional, both in how I shape this year and the years to come. I love my self-awareness, but sometimes I wonder if it holds me back from being fully authentic.
On one hand, mindfulness has helped me become less reactive and anxious.
But, I also worry that in my efforts to stay grounded, I don’t always let people see all the parts of me. Especially those parts that are fearful.
I want to get better at sharing not for reassurance, but for real connection.
So as I step into 35, I want to focus less on over analyzing and more on doing.
On making choices that align with what excites me, challenges me, and brings me joy.
Some of those things are small shifts in my routine, and others are dreams I’ve carried for years.
But first, a reminder of all I’ve already done:
Traveled solo to Arizona
Ran a half marathon
Started this blog (!!)
Strengthened my Italian and picked up French along the way
Learned to advocate for myself in work and life
Went to Paris twice
Went to the Louvre and saw the Mona Lisa
Went to a ballet
Canoed into a cave in Belize
Visited Mayan Ruins
Stood at the Berlin Wall
Traveled with my boyfriend for the first time
Posted silly videos on Tiktok
Participated in a 5k Turkey trot on Thanksgiving
This Year
Take Ice Skating lessons
Consistent blog posts
Continue perfecting Italian
Find an organization to support/volunteer
Pick a career enhancing course or certificate program
Life Bucket List
Hike a volcano
Swim in crystal blue oceans
Go on a Safari
Visit Pompeii
Swim with dolphins
Meet an elephant
Create something meaningful
Live in Europe for a period of time
See an Opera
& I expect the list will only continue to grow
If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that life keeps evolving, and so do I.
I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get things right, but maybe it’s less about getting it right and more about just living.
Embracing the things that light me up
Letting go of the things that don’t
Trusting that I’m exactly where I need to be.
So here’s to 35! To less overthinking & more doing.
To more adventure, learning & growth and moments that make me feel incredible joy. That type of belly laugh you only experience in special moments, I’d like some more of that this year.
La Femme Curiosita 